Week #34 - Hayley


“BANG BANG BANG!” The war had started and there were bombs going off like raindrops falling out of the sky. Everyone was yelling and a lady told me to get into a box. I got in. I felt myself getting lifted onto what I think was a chair. Then I sprang out of the box and a raccoon was staring at me. I shrieked. The van stopped. I Got back into the box and there was a leaf in the box I turned it over. It read “I know who you are and I saw you get into that box.”

Comments

  1. Wow! That was scary, terrifying, and exciting. I'm still not sure what is going on but that can be a good thing in stories as it can make a reader want to read more. I hope if you write more of this story the racoon has a good storyline. Often people don't like them as they can do a lot of damage to property, but their hands are so clever. One suggestion though, I wonder if you could think of a different word than bang to describe the sound of the bombs that would strengthen their comparison to rain? Maybe describing the rain or raindrops a bit? Are they the really fat raindrops, so big that you can see them individually or are they falling so fast and densely that it is almost as if it is a stream of water rather than individual drops. What ever you decide keep up the good work.

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